As someone who has experienced two very big heartbreaks, even the thought of it makes me feel unwell. The aching, the desperation, the intricate dance of 'please don't contact them', to 'I'm so happy without them' feels never ending at the time.
The feeling of heartbreak.
Heartbreak is a universal human experience, a raw and visceral emotion that transcends cultural boundaries and societal norms. Whether it's the end of a romantic relationship, the betrayal of a friend, or the loss of a loved one, the pain of heartbreak can feel all-consuming, leaving us shattered and adrift in a sea of emotions. In the aftermath of betrayal or rejection, it's okay to harbour feelings of anger, resentment, and hurt towards the person who has caused us pain. Honestly, if you don't, you're a better person than most.
Why should we forgive them, in order to move on?
Forgiveness is often misunderstood as a sign of weakness, especially in the wake of betrayal or heartbreak. Yet, the act of forgiveness is not about excusing or condoning the actions of others but about releasing ourselves from the emotional shackles that bind us to the past.
Acknowledge the reasons you should forgive them.
It's mentally and physically healthier. Holding onto grudges and resentments only serves to prolong our suffering, keeping us tethered to the pain of the past. By choosing to forgive, we free ourselves from the burden of anger and bitterness, allowing space for healing and emotional growth to take root.
You'll develop resilience. Forgiveness is a powerful antidote to victimhood, empowering us to reclaim our agency and resilience in the face of adversity. Rather than allowing ourselves to be defined by our pain, forgiveness enables us to transcend our circumstances and emerge stronger and more resilient than before.
You'll improve your own emotional intelligence. Cultivating the capacity for forgiveness requires a deep understanding of our own emotions and those of others. By practicing empathy and compassion towards those who have wronged us, we expand our emotional repertoire and strengthen our interpersonal relationships.
Knowing you deserve to feel free of the pain. Holding onto grudges and grievances keeps us stuck in a perpetual cycle of pain and resentment, preventing us from fully embracing the present moment. Forgiveness offers us the opportunity to break free from the chains of the past, allowing us to move forward with grace and dignity.
Tackle the process head-on.
Let yourself be sad. Allow yourself to fully experience and process the range of emotions that arise in response to betrayal or heartbreak. Give yourself permission to grieve and mourn the loss before embarking on the journey of forgiveness.
Treat yourself with care. Be gentle and kind with yourself as you navigate the complexities of forgiveness. Recognise that healing is a gradual and nonlinear process, and give yourself the time and space you need to heal.
Establish boundaries to protect your heart. Forgiveness does not mean condoning or enabling harmful behaviour. It's essential to establish healthy boundaries to protect yourself from further harm while still extending compassion towards the person who has hurt you.
Ask for help, and accept when it's on offer. Reach out to friends, family, or a trusted therapist for support and guidance as you embark on the path of forgiveness. Surround yourself with people who uplift and empower you on your journey towards healing.
In the act of forgiveness, you reclaim yourself, emerging stronger than before.
“Forgiveness is an act of self-liberation;
it's not about the other person.”
– Esther Perel